The BIG "G"

Raise your hand if you've ever felt guilty? Yeah, yeah, I know; who hasn't. Well, even though I don't technically believe in New Year's resolutions (why not July resolutions or September resolutions...it's pretty arbitrary, yes?) but I will say, let's work on making 2012 a GUILT-FREE ZONE!

Guilt truly does get us nowhere. It doesn't erase our past transgressions, solve our problems or make us feel any better in the long run. Guilt is learned. I repeat, guilt is LEARNED. We aren't born with the ability to feel guilt, we're ingrained with it from a young age.

With guilt, we're never creating something better, we're only wallowing in shit. The good news is that whatever is learned can be unlearned. It takes a lot of work, self discipline and self monitoring, but with careful thought and deliberation, you can unlearn guilt.

I used to be a huge guilt sponge. Everything that I even perceived that I did to others was immediately transferred into my psyche as guilt, which led to self-punishment, which led to horrible feelings of inadequacy. The way that I worked on it, and continue to do so, is to stop and consider the reality of the situation every time I started to feel guilt-ridden.

"Was it really my fault that my friends got upset about the fact that I had to cancel my appearance at their party?" Was it really my fault that I slid on the ice while carrying my son and he hit his head? Was it really my fault that I couldn't make it to Christmas dinner and wanted to spend time with my wife and son instead?"

All of these things can be answered with a resounding "NO!", but only if I choose that response. Otherwise, I could just sit and cycle through the bad feelings over and over and over and over again until I've driven myself into such despair that I never want to talk to anyone again. Okay, so most of the the guilt that we feel is usually not quite that bad, but even lesser feelings of guilt can throw us into a tailspin, if even for an hour or two.

The bottom line is: don't do guilt. It won't get you anywhere and it certainly won't make you feel better. If you allow your actions in life to be directed by guilt, your freedom and choices will be eliminated in favor of being fearful about how they might affect other people. Don't do it to yourself; it's just not worth it!

The next time you start to feel guilty about something, consider the reality of the situation. Think about where the BIG "G" might take you if you give into it. If you choose to follow it down the rabbit hole, you might not find your way out as easily as you could have by feeling something else besides self-punishment.