Intention

How can you get where you want to go if you don't have a clear intention about how to get there?

A goal is what you want; an intention is what that goal looks, tastes, feels, sounds and smells like and might include how you're going to get there; it might not. The clearer you are about your intention(s), the more likely you are to get to your goal.

When I first started working with a personal coach (several years before I decided to become one) on how to go about meeting my soul mate, she had me get entirely clear on what that soul mate would look like. I was somewhat skeptical, but made a list with three categories: Must Haves, Needs, and Bonus. Basically, I focused on what was essential primarily, then qualities that I also needed but might not be of quite as much importance and finally, attributes that it would be nice if my partner had. After I made the list, I didn't throw it away, but I didn't obsess about it either. In fact, it disappeared somewhere into the maelstrom of what my life looked like at that moment.

Eventually, I met Sarah, we dated, I asked her to marry me and she said yes. Several months after this, I was going through some things that I was about to throw out and I found the list. The qualities that I had put down matched my fiance perfectly...even the "bonus" ones! I had written down my intentions and I went on to create them, whether I knew it at the time or not.

I know so many people that somehow think that if they walk around blindly looking for something they want, it's simply going to land in their lap. It might, or it might not. Either way, there is a better way of doing things, odds-wise. Here's a prime example. I have a friend, we'll call her Elaine (I know you're immediately thinking of Seinfeld, which is fine because this person couldn't be more different than the token female on that show). Elaine got out of a long relationship a couple of years ago and now she's looking for her soul mate. She's gotten to the point in her life where she wants to meet that special someone and settle down. Elaine has had some difficulties though.

Elaine keeps dating men that just aren't within the parameters of what she's looking for. Commitment-phobes, serial daters, men that she just doesn't click with, you name it, she's dated them. I keep telling her that:

1) She would benefit from watching out for Red Flags. If the guy you went out with last week can't call you to cancel your plans and he texts you instead; NEXT!!!! There are too many fish in the sea and you're too special to put up with flakes.

2) Elaine might find a lot of success with being really, really clear about her intentions. If she knows what she wants in a relationship, she could write it down and put it out there. She prefers to keep her "musts" in her head, though, as she's told me in the past.

And what's wrong with that? Can't you keep track of what you want just as well in your head as you can on paper? Well, yeah, sure. BUT...you knew it was coming! There is something really attractive (and I use that to mean, "attracting something or someone", not how hot you look in those Manolos) about writing what you want down. It clarifies your intentions, it gets them in front of you, it really ensures that what you're writing is what you want because once it's down there in black and white, there is something very reassuring and comforting about it. This is what you want and this is what you're asking to be attracted to...no matter what. You'll settle for nothing less.

You might want to think about giving it a try. Even if you're not looking for someone(thing) specific right now, you can still use this exercise. Try something like the following and see how it works out for you:

MY INTENTION FOR TOMORROW IS: Have a great day with my son and be open to all new experiences.

MY INTENTION FOR THE WEEK IS: I want the STL Cardinals to win the next two games of the World Series!

MY INTENTION FOR THE MONTH IS: Find five new coaching clients!

What's Your Story?

People tell stories to survive. Religion, politics, art, war, love; stories have been created over the course of human history to instill well-being, justification, mental peace of mind, etc. When we growing up, we were told a story in our own lives as well. Some of us were told that we were pretty and were born for greatness, others that we were nothing and never would be, most of us were told something in between these two extremes.

Whatever your story is, you start learning it from a young age, and it directs the course of your life. It's not necessarily good or bad, but if it keeps you from achieving what you want, then it should be examined. Coaches help people with their story. Typically, a problem with money can be because you might have been raised to think that you don't deserve or it's too difficult to get and it should be hoarded. A lack of love in your life might because the story you were told is that love is hard and you're better off alone. A hard time with weight loss could be because you were raised to identify food as love and without food, where is the love in your life?

So think about your story. What good things came out of it? What bad things came out of it? Don't dwell too much on positives and negatives though; simply think about how it got you to where you are now. Do you need to alter your story? Do you need to create an entirely new one? If you're a parent, are you concerned about passing that story onto your children?

Our stories make us who we are and there's nothing wrong with that. The difficulty arises when they aren't serving us anymore and we need an "editor" to help us create new meaning for ourselves; to help us create the future that we want. Otherwise, we will repeat our past over and over again and our children will do the same.