Grace/Nature

Be kinder than necessary because everyone is fighting some kind of battle.

-- James M. Barre

It's so easy to be rude. Flippant. Terse. People are this way with us everyday and, frequently, we can be the same way back. Whether we intend to or not. The harder task is to do the opposite. Be kind. Thorough. Warm. Interested.

My wife and I saw an interesting film over the weekend; The Tree of Life is certainly not for everyone (my wife thought it was a waste of time; I thought it was wonderful). The plot (or lack of one, as my wife might say!) centered around many things: the evolution of our planet, fathers, sons, mothers, life, death, creation, destruction. One idea that stuck out the most though is the idea of grace versus nature.

Grace (embodied and espoused by the protagonist's mother) is described as the following, "Grace doesn't try to please itself. Accepts being slighted, forgotten, disliked. Accepts insults and injuries." Nature, on the other hand, "only wants to please itself. Get others to please it too. Likes to lord it over them. To have its own way. It finds reasons to be unhappy when all the world is shining around it. And love is smiling through all things." Nature is represented by the protagonist's father, who believes that the only way to get ahead in the world is to be forceful and not let anyone get in your way. He's not a bad man, but he is a very hard one.

The protagonist, as most of us are, is continually torn between these two poles throughout his life. At one point, he says, "Father, Mother. Always you wrestle inside me. Always you will." There is that constant struggle that we all wage everyday. Do we do the right thing, the good thing and help those around us on their journey or do we choose the opposite, do we decide to give in to our baser instincts, our primal urges and claw our way to the top of the heap?

If we stop and remember that everyone is going through the same struggles, sometimes easier, sometimes harder, that we are, our lives will not only be happier, but more fulfilling. It's easy to forgot this and just forge through: grab your change at the gas station and leave in a huff, give that guy the finger who cut you off, ignore your workmates when they tell you, "good morning". We've all done some of these things and will probably do them again. Just remember though, you're not really hurting them, you're hurting yourself. They will go about their day, think "asshole" and move on. But what about what's going on with you? What motivated you to do those things anyway?

Motivational speaker and life coach, Brian Tracy, frequently talks about the Law of Correspondence in his books and talks. This idea, which he reports has been around since the days of Christ, says that the world around us is a 360 degree representation of our inner being. What we present/project to the world around us affects the way that people respond to us, the opportunities and disappointments that present themselves and the satisfaction that we get out of life. Usually, it's not just random chance if you have a bad day or things aren't going well for you. Frequently, we attract the events, people and opportunities that come into our lives. Interesting stuff, huh?

Whether you choose to believe that last part is up to you, but just try to keep this in mind. The last time you had one of those days where everything went to shit (you were late for everything, you didn't finish all of your work, you got into disagreements at work and/or at home), what kind of attitude or perception of the world did you have that day? I would bet that 95% of the time, part of the reason that all of these negative things happened, is the manner in which you started the day and kept that trend going throughout its entirety. 

So next time you're having a rough day and it feels like everything is going downhill quickly, take five minutes, take some deep breaths and try to shift your mood and refocus your efforts to change your outlook. I guarantee that you will get results. If not, keep trying; you'll get there.

It's Time...

As some of you might already know, I'm having a time management seminar on August 2nd at the Cherry Creek Library here in Denver. In order to give you a little bit better idea of what I'm going to be talking about, I thought I would provide a FREE sample of what the agenda will look like...

Time Management refers to a range of skills, tools, and techniques used to manage time when accomplishing specific tasks, projects and goals.

The tools and techniques I'm going to talk about will help you find more time for your To Do Lists, family, friends, pleasure and, namely, yourself! We're going to do exercises to find out where all of your time is going and also what you would do if you had all of the time in the world.

We'll discuss what it would look like for you to have a perfect environment to live in, so you can get more done in your life and still have an abundance of free time! Wouldn't that be great?

There are also going to be a lot of great tips about how NOT to stress out about and feel guilty about not getting things done. Here's a free one right now: "Allow yourself frequent breaks during your workday; make each task as FUN as possible, make sure you play while you work!".

Remember, time wasters are in the eye of the beholder. If you enjoy doing something, just because someone else might think it's a dead end activity doesn't mean it is. If you get something out of it, then do it! If you like watching trash TV, playing flag football in the park, vegging out with a trashy romance novel, none of these are a waste of time if they reenergize you and/or let you decompress. The key is moderation and we'll talk about that, too!

Since I believe in having fun while working, I guarantee a good time while also learning how to manage your time better. And remember, homemade goodies are included in your $10 admission fee! Go to http://www.facebook.com/JWMCoaching?sk=events to sign up!

Fear: Fictional Events Appearing Real

One of the more impressive insights I've come across recently is the "real" definition of Fear: Fictional Events Appearing Real. The main reason this struck me so much is that fear is probably one of the few emotions that we all feel nearly every day of our lives.

Whether we want to admit or not, fear crops up all the time. Many people feel that fear is a bad thing; it's associated with weakness and inferiority. This is simply NOT TRUE. And don't let those guys with "NO FEAR" stickers on their pickups tell you otherwise.

First of all, there are two types of fear: good fear and bad fear. If we didn't have good fear, we would all be dead. Evolutionarily speaking, it's what keeps us alive. If we didn't have good fear, we would step right in front of that semi while waiting to cross the street. If we didn't have good fear, we would touch a hot iron or a hot stove (much like I did when I was younger, and much to my chagrin...). If we didn't have good fear, we would act like those guys on MTV's Jackass, but unlike them, we would end up dead or seriously injured. You get the picture...

Bad fears, though, are those fictional events that we create in our minds that hold us back and sometimes even paralyze us. In our minds they appear real, but it's typically only something that we imagine, not something that actually exists. Unfortunately, we can frequently let the bad fear run our lives as much as the good fear. You're nervous about meeting that new client, so you worry about it for the entire week prior. You allow the jitters about a first date to take over so completely that you end up sabotaging the whole thing. You begin to worry about your tax return for next year and it's only the end of May...

We all do things like this, and that's okay. The problems come up when you let these fears take over and run your life. When you become so frozen by fear that you can't move forward is when things start to really become an issue. If it's something as simple as you have a fear of raw fish, so you won't eat sushi, it's more a personal opinion and your own tough luck if you don't try it! If it becomes a larger issue, like you can't leave your house because of a social phobia or you can't continue working at your current job because you've developed a paralyzing fear of messing up a new project because of what happened with the last one, that's when a real dilemma arises.

Some of these challenges might require counseling, but most of the more garden variety ones can be remedied through being more rational about your outlook (you can't really do anything about what's worrying you by worrying about it, can you?) and/or by partnering with a coach to help you to challenge your fears and work on getting rid of them for good. Many times, if fear is showing up in one area of your life, then you're most likely encountering it across the board in other areas as well. This is why coaching can be so effective. Once you learn to see unnecessary fears for what they are, then you'll not only be able to recognize them, but also get rid of them much more easily.

--Thanks to Dr. Jeff Cartwright for sharing the "real" definition of fear with me.

Memorial Day

For most of us, this is probably a pretty crazy time; a nice long weekend and then a shortened, hectic week playing catch up. I think a lot of people may forget the fact that Monday was a commemoration of the service to our country that our nation's soldiers have given and continue to do so.

Everyone deserves to memorialize or commemorate things in their life though, whether they've given active service in the military or not. The term "memorial" is defined as, "something that commemorates; a keepsake; a memento; a record". So far in this blog, I've talked about the importance of change and what you need to do to move forward. In this post, I want to ask you to look back at the things that you've done in the past year. What has moved your life forward in a positive way? I have several examples of things that I've done in the past year that I'm particularly proud of; you should make a list and reflect on yours as well. Be proud of what you've accomplished and realize that not everyone chooses to move forward in their life; if you have done so, celebrate it!

Since last May, I have done the following that I'm particularly proud of:

1) I have a beautiful, amazing son, Aden, who was born on August 23rd, 2010. I'm proud of the way that I've helped raise him in the past nine months and start him on his path to a fruitful and happy life.

2) I started my own coaching business in September 2010 and continue to move it forward to a successful enterprise. It's hard work, but it's worth it!

3) I ran/walked my first 5K in April and did my first 10K on Memorial Day of this year with Aden. I'm immensely proud of these two things because I couldn't have imagined doing either one of them five years ago!

These are mine, and they're just three examples of things that I've accomplished in the past 12 months. I'm sure there are many more, but these stand out the most. Do the same for yourself; make a list and look it over. Think about the many things you've accomplished in the last year and look forward to a new year of doing even more!

When you're doing this, don't forget the support that you've gotten in order to achieve these things. For me, I couldn't have done any of this (especially the birth of my son!) without my beautiful wife, Sarah. When you memorialize and remember what you've done, don't forget to think about those who supported you and helped you get there!