Teach People How to Treat You

Many times in life, we experience a situation that just feels icky. We might be dressed down by our boss, unintentionally insulted by a friend, felt guilty after a conversation with a family member, the list goes on and on...

First of all, your perception of "the way they made you feel"  is 100% your choice. Believe it or not, you choose to feel a certain way because of a reaction or insult that someone hurls at you. The better you feel about yourself, the less external words and actions will bother you. Coaching can go a long way towards helping with that.

That being said, we still don't want people walking all over you. The other thing that's surprising about this concept, aside from perception being a choice, is that we also teach people how to treat us. If your boss knows that he can walk all over you, whether it's right or not, he will. If your sister knows that you're a bit of a pushover, she's going to try to guilt you into anything!

The first step towards minimizing these external pressures and teaching people how to treat you is to be aware of the effect that people can have on you. If you crumble at the first sign of guilt or confrontation, you're going to need to work on your assertiveness a bit. As cheesy as it sounds, if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything. If you create a bit more chutzpah and assertiveness in your life, people will not continue to treat you the way they do.

If your sister begs you to go on a blind double date with her, and you really don't want to go, don't be guilted into it! If your boss continually asks you to stay late and you're either not getting paid for it, or, if it's taking up too much of your personal life, maybe it's time to look for something else. It takes time to develop this new level of decisiveness and self care, but with effort comes results.

The bottom line is: teach other people how to treat you well. As mentioned in my previous post about friendships that you've outgrown, "changing your playground" may be required. If people can't rise to the challenge of treating you differently and consequently, better, then you may not want them in your life anymore.